Hi again Desert Demons. I just wanted to pay tribute to your insights once again on unrequited love. Your observations on the beauty of pain remind of Maud Gonne's attempts to console WB Yeats by her telling him that he should appreciate her influence on his life because the misery she has caused him has inspired his wonderful Nobel-prize winning poetry!
I would like to thank the anonymous Zena for her beautiful contradictions. I presume you are not in the queue to seduce me with your munchausens! You sound really interesting, despite your lack of sympathy. What you dismiss as "morbid wallowing in self pity poetry" could be seen from another perspective as honest poetry from the heart of a man who refuses to take refuge in lies. I would be deceiving myself if I said that the love of my life was not worth my love and admiration. I would be untrue to myself if I said that she is just one of a billion females. It would be easy to deceive others. I do it every day. It is impossible to deceive myself. Acknowledging my pain takes courage. It is not wallowing in self pity. It is being brave enough to know that I suffer and it is insightful to know why I suffer and it is prophetic enough to know that I will suffer until I draw my last breath. That's purity of love, not self pity. As you said, it's how I handle the hurt that matters. I handle it by acknowledging its eternal presence in my heart and soul. I make no apologies for not taking the usual macho attitude of there are thousands of better women out there. I met the woman who was best for me and I will never change my opinion. Burning the teeshirt will not eliminate her influence on my life. I don't want your pity, Zena or anybody's pity. I know your advice is very practical but I don't have the power to decide when the pain ends. It's not going to end. Some people meet the love of their life and stay with them for ever. Some people meet the love of their lives and stay with them for a short while. Some people never meet the love of their lives. I am in the second category, luckier than those in the third category, not as fortunate as those in the first.
I have faith in myself but I am not very pleased by "the powers that be". And loving her and respecting her decision are totally unconnected. Respecting a decision doesn't mean I agree with it. It's just that. A decision. A fait accompli. I have missed out on the most wonderful woman I have ever met and there's nothing I can do about it. I missed the boat and I will never be happy. She wasn't a tee shirt that I could burn in a smug self satisfying exorcistic narcissistic liberating bunny boiling ritual. She was the most special person in the universe and there's no getting over her. That's not self pity. That's honesty from my heart.
To Desert Demon: I have moved on but there is no overcoming the pain. C'est la vie. C'est l'amour.
My howling is not a morbid self pitying scream but my serenade for my lost love.
Thank you all, especially Zena, for your efforts to console but there is no consolation. Even though the loss of my love is not funny I really enjoyed your comments, Zena. You sound like great fun. Thanks!
Serenading Lamb
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